So this is growing up?

Today is simply beautiful. The air is clean, the sun is warm and gentle, the smell of fresh cut grass fills my nose, and there is such a soothing melody of birds singing, and cars passing by. As I sit here and revel in the beauty of the moment, I can't help but think back to the past. Not so long ago, but still, almost a different lifetime altogether. I won't say that things were easier, or even better then. Just different. A time when the most important things on my mind were, "What's everyone doing after work?" and "Am I ready for this show tonight?" There was no concern that bills needed to be paid, there was no worry that people would leave and things would change. All that mattered was today, everything was simply okay. I was okay. Now I find myself with so many concerns. I worry about money now, and the dynamics of relationships I once thought unshakable are changing. I'm Changing.

My life now is not bad. Good things are happening, yet I find myself aching at times for the life that I had. These thoughts find me at an impasse. What to do with these feelings? Do I box them up and put them away? Forget the past and look to the future? Do I hold on to the memories of people and places that brought me so much joy although they've likely forgotten me? I know there is nothing to dwelling on the past, but I don't believe we can just let it go.

There was a time that these feelings were overwhelming it was almost crushing. The way that I longed for things to be the way that they were. But I've learned that just as things around us change so to do we, and eventually you learn to rely on the constants.

For instance; I know that there will always be days so gorgeous that just being able to sit outside is fulfilling. I know that every year the snow melts and and the grass turns green again, and that, eventually, the air will turn cold and the leaves will turn brilliant gold and red, and I know that all of these things will fill me with so many memories and feelings it can be difficult to contain. Joy, love for people that have touched me, happiness for being able to take part in this beauty, excitement at the prospect of new memories, even regret and a small ache for times and friendships past. I know that things will always change but this is not a bad thing. It will bring us new constants to hold to.

Yesterday will always be there, and Tomorrow always comes.

Today is simply beautiful.